Our production assistant, Patrice, is recently engaged and taking you along on her wedding planning journey. Check back every other Monday for more real-life wedding planning insights – or follow along here!
So this has been something that has been on my heart throughout my engagement (and even before). And through talking to other brides, engaged couples, and even dating couples, I realized I was definitely not alone. I’m guessing that if you’re reading this, you’ve heard it too, the dreaded question: “When are you going to get married?” It comes in many forms, “When is he going to pop the question?” “What in the world are you waiting for?” and my personal least favorite, “Do you want me to beat him up for you?” You see, I heard all of these and many, many more throughout the 7 years I dated my now-fiance. Most of the time it came from a great place, my family and friends wanted us to be happy. And to many people, that means showing your happiness in one of the most outward ways our society does today – an engagement ring.
It is perfectly acceptable for loved ones to ask, (especially if the couple in question been dating for a while) “Have you discussed the future?” or even, “Have you thought about when you’d like to get married?” These people love you and they want the best for you (and also they can’t wait for the really great party you’re about to throw!) But it turns into an issue when they keep pushing, or they won’t let it go. I had numerous people ask me, “Do I need to talk to him?” or “Do you want me to beat him up for you?” And because I am a people pleaser, I would usually laugh it off and say something like, “Oh gosh, not yet!” but soon after felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. You see, my guy and I are perfectly satisfied with where our relationship was behind closed doors, but by being asked these invasive questions on the spot, I was forced to turn against him.
There were many things that factored into the length of time before we got engaged, most of which you wouldn’t want to discuss with some of your closest confidants, let alone your great aunt or your nosy coworker. Things like health issues, family divorce, money problems, or career changes are all factors that affect couples waiting longer to tie the knot. In our case, we were happy with how things were! We lived together, we had a dog, and we launched a successful side business that tied up a lot of our cash. Now, don’t get me wrong – I wanted to get married (I mean I write for Apple Brides for goodness sake!) but it was also so important to me to get it right. I wanted to have an established career, a steady cash flow, and the free time it would require to build my dream day!
So whether you are single, dating, engaged, or even married, I urge you to come up with an “elevator pitch” type answer to this and other slightly invasive questions that you feel comfortable with. For the sake of your own sanity, it’s important to be prepared for these questions and know how to handle them so that you and fiancé can be a united front and not let it all get to you. Maybe something like “We have talked about it, but we are so happy with how things are right now. Trust me, when it does happen it will be one heck of a party!” Keep it light hearted and shut the question down while still maintaining a good relationship with the asker, and EVERYONE will feel a whole lot better about it! (And then start preparing yourself for all the questions about when you’ll have kids!)